Good morning Moon.

So far.... every morning (except one-wink, wink) I have stayed true to my resolution of waking early around the same time Monday through Friday. I have most enjoyed the few silent moments of the calm air of dawn, and the scents of fresh brewed coffee. The growing light of day leaves the nights that I love behind, but during these brief slots of time there is a crossworld of sorts. On those rare days at just the right stop of the clock, in the mornings' first breath, the Moon still hovers not wanting to let go of the night.
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That's me. Seeming to be forever stuck in some crossworld where if I were to move back or forward it would change everything. I can't be stuck here forever, so, soon...I need to take that step.

Before Sunrise

Never before taking New Year resolutions, I decided this year would be different. A few are quite personal with high hopes of accomplishing them. Last year, was a quite frankly *shitty* year, the worst I have ever had. I want to change that. Starting with myself as I have neglected my inner being for so long. Time for healing and smiles every day.
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Something on the list is making me feel like I am back in High School or back at work... waking up to an alarm. I am not a morning person at all. I am the night owl who cherishes the darkness of night and the stillness. And being a SAHM you would think that after all day chasing a toddler I would be passed out by 9pm. Not so for me. In the past it has been midnight to 1am that was my usual bedtime. I am lucky in one sense as my kiddo doesn't wake up at the crack of dawn like most. So it was a rare day when we would wake up before 7:30. Usually between 8 and 8:30. After awhile, where every day is a different time of opening my eyes, it kind of wore me down. I have felt off. And not feeling like my day was getting started until almost lunch time.
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I'm changing that now. Three days in to the 7:15 am wake up alarm, and actually I'm getting the hang of it already. Riding a bike. Now there is a few minutes to myself, ALL to myself. Coffee cup in hand, news on the TV, showers with out the curtain being pulled away with giggles... Nice.
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But thankfully the weekend is upon us, and I can once again have that morning to sleep in (*wink*).

***P.S. Even though Sunsets are love to me, now, I can acquaint my eyes with an old friend and take that fresh breath of morning air.

Under the Lunar Sky

I just had to.... never before have I seen a Lunar eclipse, so I felt the need to especially make the effort to see this one, considering that an eclipse on the Solstice hasn't happened for a couple hundred years and won't again for a couple hundred years more. I've never viewed a lunar eclipse. It's always been one of those things to add to my life's 'list'. A few years ago on Christmas day I was fortunate to view the Solar eclipse that happened then, but never anything under the night time sky.
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And what a beautiful night. Crisp and clear, and completely bone chilling cold outside. But even more so, me, being frozen by the wildness and ancient thrill of those particular minutes viewing an orb that I have loved for so long. How in those moments I was witness to something spectacular.
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It was hard to turn my gaze away from the strange colors of red and orange. Normally the silver white light leaves that feeling of comfort and familiarity, and with the freshly fallen snow laying low on the ground, the world was one of illumination and brightness in the dark. Then slowly the creeping darkness did come, until almost all was black. Then something amazing, when the world I knew turned into a foreign dream. The feelings of wonderment and apprehension mixing together as the moon became a stranger. Asking it, friend or foe?

....

I took a picture of this picture that hung in my room or in my house for almost 15 years. I wanted to remember it, but didn't want to hold on to it anymore. A vacation in the Caribbean, a small Mexican tourist trap, and a painter.
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The fad of the time was to paint works of art with spray paint and use objects (cardboard cutouts, rocks, bowls, anything) to achieve some type of 'scene'. It was amazing to watch a work in process at how quick the artists had become. I'm sure it was more about getting American dollars than the art, but still fascinating.
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After viewing three or four artists around town, I just couldn't quite decide. I had given up on my quest for the perfect picture until the last stop of the day. And there it was. In my favorite colors with a scene that instantly felt 'me'. The paint was still a bit damp, but I wasn't disappointed that I hadn't witnessed the artist making this one. The mystery of how it became was just as important to me as what the painting said to me.
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But over the years, and changes in life, the girl who stared into the painting with wonder and dreams is a completely different person now. No magic anymore could be seen coming through the art. So off it went. Sold to a young lady. But I'm OK with that.
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She can have the dreams and wonderment now.

Friday mix up...

Finding a snack on a vacation, buying a package, realizing months later that that snack was incredibly awesome and wondering where the !%$@ to acquire here. Luckily, convincing your parents on their next trip to visit Sis to please track down incredibly awesome treat. But maybe... find a way to just fly to Spain and buy truckloads there?? That would be incredibly awesome as well. Finally finding my cutters/benders to whip out three new bracelets. One for the shop, and two for fairs. And falling in love with this new one listed in my shop. Sparkle.

And lastly... getting rid of ugly, clown, crap hair. Finding myself, for one day, beautiful. I'm gonna call this new hair my Kardashian do.

Never Forget.

Today. 9/11. I can still smell and hear all in the lobby of the hotel I worked. I was stuck behind the desk, answering phone call after phone call. Trying to help people in the fact that we were all stuck. No planes, no flights to anywhere. People booking extra nights, or checking back in. The lobby filled with people staring at the TV with solemn expressions.

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And me? Confusion. Because I was really the only one working at the hotel during those hours (I'm not kidding, all other personnel were watching the TV-managers, housekeeping, bar staff). I didn't really fully get to understand what was going on until after work, after my dentist appt, after traveling home.

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Then it hit me. At home with my roommates, the exhaustion and sadness of the day left me speechless.

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After hearing news reports full time for days on end, my boyfriend at the time and I decided that we needed to get away. So we loaded the car for a quick camping trip with no radio and no TV. But the crazy part was the silence...

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No planes in the sky. I remember that most from those days. It's a wonderment to have a particular sound coming from the outside world in your everyday life. And then to have that gone. I remember being outside my town house, looking up at the sky and hearing, nothing. It was eerie in a way that really felt empty, for lack of a better word.

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So here we are, nine years later, but still feeling so recent in time. Still the questions in the air of why, and how could they do this to other humans no matter our problems. To know that our world has come to this where others hate so badly, they would do anything to show power over others. So how do we find peace? Maybe in the everyday sunset, where the beauty of our world can help us heal and know that there is always a tomorrow.

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It hurts to watch video of those days, but important, I think, at the same time. So that yes, we never forget.

Let's Get The Wax On

I'm not one to really give shout-outs to products, but this one... I just have to put it out there. I have known and used this lotion for most of my life. My Mother use to have jars of it around the house and would give it out for presents to friends and family, but sadly for me over the years I have forgotten about this awesome product.

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In trying to get my poor little babe's eczema legs under control, we have gone through appointments at Dermatologist, and regular Doctor visits, and have tried multiple recommendations for keeping Fritz's poor legs looking nice and smooth. Prescription cortisone cream does help, but it's not something that can be used for continuously. I believe that we have tried around 5 different lotions and potions to help keep the eczema under control, but so far nothing works that great. Until now!

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After thinking about other options to try, for some reason Wool Wax popped into my head. I knew it couldn't hurt, but where to find it?? It's not a product that is easily available at every store as it is a Made In Montana product. Thankfully it was found, and many jars were purchased. And the greatest news?? IT WORKS! If we put it on Fritz (pretty much all over his body) twice a day, his legs heal up nicely and he isn't bothered with all the itching and scratching!

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So for any out there who need a lotion to contain those serious skin issues (i.e. dryness, cracked, eczema) feel free to go to http://www.buymt.com/ and get some!

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Please note that even though the name is Wool Wax, no animals are ever harmed in making this product. It actually comes from their wool, hence the name. I guess many years ago, some sheep farmers noticed how wonderful their hands always were during shearing season compared to the rest of the year and figured out it had something to do with the wool. Then they were smart enough to turn it into a lotion for the rest of us. Well, thank you to them!!!

Techno Night Off

A crazy storm passed by us a night ago, and as the wind was pelting the windows with bits of broken trees with sheets of rain falling like misting clouds, I decided it was a perfect time to take a night off from TV and computer. How addicted are we as a society (most of us anyway) to either be attached to our phone/computer/TV?
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Snuggling up on the couch with Melba-Fritz long passed out from a day of play-and a light blanket, the book I was reading seemed oh so much better than before. But I think most of all my brain is thanking me. Hmm... this might be a good goal to do at least once a week. Who's in?

Taking a Few Moments

I recently started getting this magazine in the mail and am so in love with it! It was extremely cheap for a year subscription and for me it's even better to look at the beautiful pictures and read the wonderful articles, while stealing a few minutes of time when my babe is napping. Ahh, bliss.

A Tiny Buying Frenzy

With this complete overwhelming desire to change the colors in my life, I have been on a shopping frenzy. Mostly in my head, but with a few actual pieces. Here is a scarf from Afghanistan that I found at a garage sale. The lady of the sale was donated items to raise money to adopt some children from Ethiopia. Her sister is in the Air Force stationed in Afghanistan and sent her lots of scarfs from the local market to help her raise money. Man, I seriously could have bought all of them they were so pretty!
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I bought a new blanket for the back of the couch and a lamp shade to match. We found some serious money-off tree photos for a wall that I used the original photos to decorate Fritz's room with. The wall was looking empty but the Hubs and I have serious opposite tastes when it comes to decorating. Luckily we both liked these ones!
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That is part of the re-decorating-new-color-scheme thing for me, the different tastes of me and the Hubs. I realized that I was decorating the house in colors that we both liked, but the items or knick-knacks, if you will, were not my 'taste'. Not true to how I like to express myself with my surroundings. And since I am here with Fritz almost 24/7, I decided screw it!!!! I'm going to decorate the damn house to more of my liking! But, I am also not completely throwing my Hubs ideas out the window. I am still letting him help with some of the things. ;)
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Anywho, the house is feeling much more me. With new rugs in the kitchen and some items awaiting from a seller on Etsy, I am very excited with my house now.

A Little Love From My Little Man

It's back to just me and Fritz Monday through Friday. The Hubs finally got another job after three months of no work. It is unfortunately two hours away, but hey, it's money. I do feel very blessed that I am able to spend so much quality time with my little man and I have many plans for hours and hours to be spent outside as this will be the first summer that he can really discover the wonders of nature.
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Fritz will be two in a few short months, and I keep thinking to myself that time has just gotten too fast for us to really hold on to it. So I want to focus on that this summer, to just take those moments and really get to know my little guy even better. His personality is coming through more and more each day and I am so happy in my thinking that I have something to do with how he will turn out in this world.
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Here's to motherhood!

Absaroka Air

I've been letting things slide by me,

And I've been trying too hard to get by too easy.

But this morning when my room was only sunshine,
I think I finally made up my mind.

I'm headed back home again, on this empty highway.

I'm gonna take in that clear Absaroka air,

And let it take my breath away.

***

I've had a hard time believing

In all things that give me life.

So I've been tryin' to find some meaning.

Some words of wisdom to move my wrongs into rights.

And if faith can move a mountain,

Tell me what's going to move my faith?

But I believe in that clear Absaroka air,

Because it takes my breath away.

***

Can you ever go home again,

And find who you were back then?

Will I find the strength to remember,

All the things I came back for?

***

I've been letting things slide by me,

And I've been trying too hard to get by too easy.

But this morning when my room was only sunshine,

I think I finally made up my mind.

***

Chris & Johnny/Storyhill

From the Clearing Album

***

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This is one of my top five favorite songs of all time. And for some reason it called to me tonight, beckoning out, surrounding it's melodies in my memories of a very special place for me. I've been struggling with the message in this song for awhile now, just wondering if it might indeed be time to head home. To find that piece of me that has been missing for so long. Questions of who was I back then compared to now have been haunting me and something feels like this might be my chance to break free and finally find who I am to be.

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The Absaroka mountains are real, and it has been way too long since I have been there. Maybe that's where I could find some clarity? I'm going to try my darnedest to make it there this summer, because it's true... I just need some Absaroka air.

Parting Ways.... For Cold Hard Cash

I decided that with the need of a few extra pennies to pay bills, it was time to list a few things online to try to sell. Hopefully they will, but who knows when or if? Parting with a few of the things is no big thing, like the ring below. It was a promise ring from my ex. It was the first nice piece of jewelry any boy had ever bought me, but it's time to (hopefully) say goodbye to it. I actually had forgotten about the ring, but it's out there now for anybody to buy! Selling my flute is a little bittersweet. I love music and playing it. In my much younger days, I played the piano and the flute and a bit of the guitar. Piano was always my favorite with the flute coming in second. I have since forgotten how to play and really have no wantings or plans to re-learn the flute. My dream now is to learn the cello...

Turning 30 Made Me Get A...

Teehehheheheheehee. Always wanted an eyebrow one, but a friend of mine went to get her nose pierced and I tagged along, all the while listening to her say what a perfect nose I had for such bling too. Who knew I would end up with one too???

Getting Ready

This Christmas will be much different from last year. As the picture above shows, my little wee one was a teeny tiny babe at this time last year. Things were more quiet. A few coos here and there, smiles and attempts to roll over...

Now? Santa is a scaaaary man, and Fritz wants nothing to do with him. The tree seems to be missing ornaments occasionally throughout the day. Presents are safely stored in a closet until Christmas morning. And I'm sure the wrapping paper will be in many more pieces than last years.

But yes, I am excited for next Friday. Because I'm sure that next Christmas will be quiet again, right??

Still Here... Somewhere.

In the absence... confusion, fear. Taking it hour by hour and trying to hold on. It's the crossroads with questions of which direction? But either way, finding a little light on my face is all I need. To feel some warmth, some hope. And letting the hour by hour slide to day by day.

The Last Bits of Light

Fading through our bedroom window, I caught the glowing embers of the evening sun. Gone are the days of bright lit skies in a summer day. Gone are the days of sweltering heat and sweaty bodies. Now we have the chill of winter upon us and the cold winds to swirl our hair.
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I must say, suddenly I'm in the mood for hot coco...

Friendly Neighbors

The morning after we had moved all of our stuff from town to town, we awoke tired and sore, but ready to start moving things off the truck into the house. As the coffee was brewing and breakfast was being sorted out, my father noticed some non-human neighbors in our front yard.
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Next to my Mother's car were a few deer searching for food. These weren't the only ones either. Across the road there were about seven more. I think we counted eleven or twelve in all.
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Being a Montana girl born and raised, this isn't really that surprising. Even at our house in Bozeman, during the winter months, we would usually see a couple deer walking through our yard to the little creek across the street. I remember lots of times growing up where my Dad would chase the hungry deer away from our apple trees. And since our new house is close to some hills, I knew we would be seeing the quiet animals sometimes, but not this much!! Every day I see them wandering around. I just hope that is all of the type of critters we will get. I'm not much fond of bears...

Out My Front Door

Swimming in colors of orange, I stood on my deck a few nights ago, just being, just breathing. Letting the last bits of setting sun swarm over me, body and soul, I calmed my mind and let all thoughts of stress of the upcoming months slide away.
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Closing my eyes and letting the glow of the sunset slip through my lids, I was reminded of one of my most favorite places in the world. Somewhere that always wraps myself in peace. In this place there is a beautiful meadow below the towering mountains, that fills with wild flowers and grass every summer. So many times did I find myself walking out of the trees of the forest to wander down to the sunshine, to find a rock or the wet earth, and sit. No technology, no cars to bother me, only pleasant quiet sounds of nature in all it's beautiful symphonies.
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It has been many, many years since I have been back to that specific place, and although I miss it terribly with each passing year, it's still there. In my heart, in my memories, always there for any moment that I need to steal a piece of time, and just be.
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In the comfort and confines of places we live, when the world gets to be too much, all we need to do is find that somewhere out our front doors to have those healing breaths, and to feel the sun or moon, the wind or rain, and be. Just be.

Good News and a Fun Weeknd Ahead

Fritz and Chase. Aren't their feet so cute?

We got back from the bank with smiles on our faces as we were approved for a great loan to buy a house! Such a relief!

Although, Fritz didn't have quite the lovely day. He had to be dragged to the Doc's office for his one year check up and shots. Poor boy. But, he did get to have a play date with his buddy Chase while we were away. So hopefully he forgot about his ucky morning!

Tomorrow we are off to visit some friends for the weekend, and dropping off Fritz to spend some time with Gradmee and Grandpee.

Have a great couple of days everybody!